Posts Tagged ‘Attraction’

Doing the Right Thing and Hating It

March 17, 2008

As St. Patrick’s day arrives, I’m reminded of one year ago today when I was in a Main Street bar not too far from here.  I’d been stopping in for a month or two to watch the Canucks games and have a few beers.  There was a beautiful server who had caught my eye.

I found myself looking in her direction.  I’m sure she noticed.  We talked a little every time I saw her.  I complimented her every time, telling her she looked beautiful.  She didn’t seem to mind, despite having a boyfriend.  In fact, I think she liked it.  She even thanked me for the encouragement when I made what I thought was a pretty ordinary comment about her career ambitions.

Another great thing about her – as I watched her talking to a co-worker at the end of the bar, I saw her doing the same crank up the middle finger thing that I’ve been known to do.  Others have done it, of course, but I was the first.  I stole it from Tom Waits in ‘Rumble Fish’ before them.  Obviously, we thought alike.

On that St. Patrick’s day she looked extra good.  She wore a green patterned halter style top, her loose blond curls tied up with a stick or pencil through them.  Every time she turned her back to me to enter her orders on the computer terminal, I admired her delicate back.  There were two exquisite dimples near her shoulder blades.  I couldn’t help looking.  They were too beautiful and fascinating.

On my way to the washroom, I stopped at the terminal and told her she had these exquisite dimples in her back.  Worried that this latest in a growing line of compliments may have been too much, I said, “Sorry, am I embarrassing you?”  “No, you’re OK”, she replied.  She clearly appreciated being appreciated.

I don’t know if she didn’t hear them enough, or even at all, but one night she responded to my compliment by saying something like, “I’ve never really thought of myself as being beautiful.”  Shocked at her modesty, I asked “Why not?”  She replied, “I don’t know, I just don’t.”

Some time after the Canucks’ playoffs came to an end, I was in the bar again and had one or two more than usual.  As I was leaving, I came across her sitting outside, her shift over.  We spoke a little, as usual.  In my case I spoke a little too much.  When she got up to go back inside, we hugged and I said something I shouldn’t have.  Then I kissed her on the cheek.  Again, if she minded, she didn’t show it.  She may even have subtly pulled herself closer.  It doesn’t matter.  Compliments are one thing, but I crossed the line.  You don’t mess with another man’s woman.  “I’ll see you real soon”, she said, and went inside.

If something is alright for you to do, it’s alright for everyone to do.  Otherwise, you place yourself above everyone else.  If we all just took what we wanted, we could also have anything taken from us and we’d have no right to complain.  That’s no way to live.

I did the right thing and stayed away.  There has been no reward, in kind or otherwise.  No positive ‘karma’ has come my way, and don’t even think about telling me my reward will be in ‘heaven’.  If any good came of it, it was an infinitesimal increment in collective co-operation.  One more person tried to do the right thing.

Maybe she was interested, too.  Maybe if I’d persisted she could have been mine.  Maybe she was unhappy, or not happy enough, with her boyfriend.  Maybe she continued living with him for security or financial reasons, even though she hoped for something better.  Maybe she was afraid to live alone.  I don’t know.  It doesn’t matter.  I did the right thing, and hate it, but the right thing has to be done.

Sometimes I wish I was more selfish.

Legendary Law of Attraction

January 7, 2008

I was browsing around to see what other blogs are out there.  As I mentioned before, blogging provides insight into other minds and lives.  They range from the mundane to the predictable to the unusual.  It all depends on the beholder, I suppose.  But I came across one blog that deals a lot with the ‘Law of Attraction’.  It’s basically a new age sounding explanation for something that’s essentially common sense.  Mindsets attract similar mindsets and, so, associate with each other.  Hence successful people are surrounded by other successful people and… well, you get the picture.

Anyway, this reminded me of the web site of a woman I met once.  It also mentions the Law of Attraction and a variation of it, the exact name of which escapes me at the moment.  I found the site after reading about her in a magazine.  Let me backtrack for you.

It was about a year and a half ago, the spring of 2006.  I was standing on a bus and turned towards the back.  I found myself looking at a girl with a big, beautiful, flower in one side of her hair.  She immediately said “Hi”, in a sweet voice.  I replied in kind and complimented her on the flower.  I asked her her name and then what she does.  She said, “I’m a burlesque dancer”.

As it happens, I had recently been told by a woman in my neighbourhood I’d met several times over the past few years that she, too, was a burlesque dancer.  I mentioned this and, of course, the girl on the bus knew her.  I commented that its unusual that I should meet two burlesque dancers and that there seemed to be some kind of revival.  She explained that there was.  We talked a little more then I told her I hoped to meet her again some time as I got off at my stop.  I didn’t.

A couple months ago I saw her on a magazine cover.  I read the article, which proclaimed her “legendary”, and learned some about her life story and her “spiritual” approach to burlesque.  It was endearing and interesting, but I felt a little uncomfortable because I realized I’d still like to see her again some time but I felt like I’d spied on her, somehow.  It wouldn’t be fair if we met again because I know more about her than she does about me.

Meeting again always was going to be difficult, read ‘awkward’, at best.  Imagine the scenario.  I go to a burlesque show to find her and then look for her back stage or at the afterparty or something.  I walk up to her and say, “Hi, I enjoyed watching you… taking off your clothes.  Let’s go somewhere for a drink.”  I’ll bet she’s never heard that one before.

More recently, I checked out her web site and found out more about her and that she also teaches self healing, among other things, and coaches people towards self-fulfillment using a variant of the Law of Attraction.

So, what does the Law of Attraction have to say about all this?  That we’re attracted to each other?  She spoke to me first, after all, but I understand a lot of where she’s coming from.  That she thinks I’d make a good client?  Or is the ‘Law’ telling me that, because I keep running into burlesque dancers, they are my ‘tribe’ and that I’m missing out on a great career in the adult entertainment industry?

To tell the truth, I don’t care about the legend.  I just remember the nice girl on the bus who said “Hi”, because she seemed to like me.  Sometimes I wish I’d stayed on a little longer.